making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
