I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
