Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
