Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
