i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
