Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
