This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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