WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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