The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
