I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize