he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
