i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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