I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
