Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dignity is for republicans.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
