She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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