Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
