You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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