Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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