My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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