Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
