is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
