WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
