i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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