i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
