Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just pee around me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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