Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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