i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
