he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
