I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
