the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
