I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
