There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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