i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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