I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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