Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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