OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
