I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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