Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
