she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drake has all the answers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
