What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
