Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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