On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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