Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
