For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
