Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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