is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
