just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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