There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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