My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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