he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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