Yo dont text me then not text me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
